Breathe.

I SURVIVED MY FIRST WEEK!
Living in an apartment is really hard. Sounds weird saying that. But it's true.
My classes are all awesome, my homework isn't impossible and it's not super difficult to re-learn how to manage my time. But living in an apartment is so rough.
Our toilet leaks really badly and hasn't been fixed yet.
I've burned my arm.
My roommate forgot to fill up the ice tray.
The piolet light went out and I had to sacrifice an arm and a leg to get someone over to re-light it.
I burned cheese on the oven and the whole place smelled.
Honestly, my list is pathetic. What first world problems. But I'm so emotionally drained. All I want to do is find a quiet, air conditioned place and curl up with a book and iced coffee and get away from people. But, I have to keep truckin'.
So I will just breathe.
Sit here in my own apartment, one that is filled with our paintings and crafts and an orange filing cabinet and breathe.

Forward March

I'm heading back to Chicago today! Seriously, I am so beyond excited. This year won't start off with a bunch of awkward hello's and get to know you games (and I will be missing that not at all). I'll be able to step on campus and actually know where I'm going and who I'm seeing. Such improvements from last year.
More importantly, I am so looking forward to everything this school year is going to teach me. I honestly have not one clue of what's going to happen (does anyone, really?). But this is me, an anxious student, willing and ready to take on all of life's new challenges and lessons.

Done.

Yesterday, I went into club. It was empty. Silence bounced off the walls. Gone were the screams of joy and the yells of anger. Instead, in the front office, staff reminisced about the worst kid moments so the summer and the many of the crazy things some of them do. It was somewhat therapeutic to laugh at those challenging moments. Even though club proved to be most stressful job- mentally and physically- it taught me the most.

This summer, the most important lesson I learned was not to judge people. 

Many people live differently that I do. Many people have been raised differently that I have. And just because I don't agree with how they live doesn't mean I can't love them. 

At college, we're always talking about diversity. And after this summer, living in a subarb but working in a very cultured environment, I guess I have really taken a deeper look into the many differences that make up individuals. I am most excited to see how this will affect me as the year continues.

Puppies and Children (a lesson in worth)

This past week, I had the opportunity to chaperon a camp at our local dog shelter. I was in charge of looking after four kids, around the ages of 12, for about three hours a day. Easiest assignment ever, right?
The first two days were actually highly enjoyable. I do love cats and had the opportunity to play with them every day, a rare treat since most of my family is extremely allergic. By the third day, however, I began to dread the camp. I missed my kids. I missed my classroom. I missed teaching lessons. Even with all the ups and downs of this past summer, I love my job. It is so fulfilling and wonderful. Those precious children always put a smile on my face. They help define my worth. At the animal camp, the staff always stressed the importance of making new pets feel like part of the family, to never call yourself an "owner" but instead a "pet handler".  Now, I love my dog, but I'm also her owner. My family bought her and she is an animal, therefore, we are her owners.
What about an animal gives it worth? Animals can be loyal, shy, energetic, etc. But what trait says, "Hey! I'm worthy of your affection!" The answer to that question depends on where you find worth. For me, I gather a great deal of worth from my work. My kids depend on me for creativity, learning, exploration, and excitement. I am worth something to them- they find worth in me because of what I do for them.
This past week taught me that I do not find as much joy in animals as I do kids (kids say the funniest things, something animals will never be able to do). And I also discovered that I right were I am meant to be: working with kids, not puppies. The reward is worth so much more.

Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! (a lesson in memories)

I went to the zoo on Friday. Wow. Pretty sure I’m still recovering. I hiked my group to the Kingdom of the Night, gorilla complex, aquarium, petting zoo, sea otters, cheetahs, and many other exhibits’. After about 4 hours, my 16 kids and I were poop out. There had been fits pitched, rules broke, tears cried, lost backpacks and scraped knees. We tiredly trudged up to the waiting buses.  Upon reaching the pick-up spot, I looked around for our other groups. Almost everyone from work was at the zoo, a group of about 120. There was not another soul from my work. I quickly called the main building, got the number of the lady in charge, called her and asked where everyone was. They had left.

I am sitting on the grass, exhausted in the heat, wondering how, and if, we were ever going to get back. I had already worked 9 hours and was so tired from all the yelling, fighting, and animal-like behavior the zoo brings out in kids. When the lady called back, she said that they would drop off the kids and one of the buses would drive back to get us. (At this point, the kids got a map of the zoo and divided up the exhibits to where each person would life. Super hilarious) My group and I sat for 40 minutes. I thought the day couldn’t get any worse.

When the bus finally picked us up, a girl got a very bad bloody nose, which bled all over me as I helped her. And when we were about a block from the building, our bus got pulled over for going 40 in a 35. Happy Friday the 13^th.

As I am recovering this weekend, that crazy zoo trip makes me laugh. Of course something awful would happen to me. But it made for the best memories. I will never forget those kids who got left at the zoo with me. And, I guess I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Rules (a lesson in life)

Today, I had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Let's recap.
On my way to work, I almost got in a crash because people don't understand the rules of the road OR what the function of a blinker is. I got to work, there was fighting at the foosball table. At breakfast, kids were playing with their food. Recess was a nightmare as kids believed they were about the rules and decided to climb up the slide, sit on top of the equipment, not keep their hands to themselves, and a host of other rule breaking actions. When we got inside, we sat them down and reiterated the rules and, right when we were done, they started talking and yelling.  This behavior went on for about 4 more hours until I was able to leave for my other job. I was tense and frustrated, so my work was not up to my best quality. After my hours where up, I went to the dentist where I was informed I have 4 cavities to fill. Awesome. I drink black coffee, use sugar-free syrup for my lattes, don't drink lots of soda or eat much junk food. And I floss every night. Literally, every single night. So. Now I am laying in bed, wishing today never happened.
The biggest problem with today was the lack of rules being followed. Someone decided they didn't need to follow the rules of the road and just about caused an accident (good thing I wasn't changing radio stations or my car would have been smashed). The kids believed the rules did not apply to them so there was constant talking, tattling, hitting, yelling, and misbehaving. And I eat my fair share of dried fruit (cheaper than real fruit, thank you college), so now I have cavities. Rules, in all areas of life, are put in place to protect or improve us. The problem is that we don't like rules. They seem so restricting and mold-fitting. But are rules and ridged as we make them out to be? Looking back on my parent's rules, I am actually quite thankful for them. As crazy as this sounds, my parents had my best interest in mind when they gave me a curfew, took away my driving privileges, or told me I couldn't spend the night with a large group of people. One day, I hope these kids will see that the rules put in place, whether at the club, in school, or at home, or in life, are meant to keep them safe.
And I need to learn to shake things off. I was listening to "Keep your Head Up" by Andy Grammer. The biggest downfall for the day was that I let the little things get to me. I got upset at so much more, something I should not have done. The song goes like this: The glow that the sun gets right around sunset helps me realize this is just a journey, drop your worries, you are gonna turn out fine. Next time, I'll remember that. And be thankful for rules.

Roller Skating (a lesson in modern culture)

Today, I was a field trip leader for the older kids. Normally, I go home right after lunch so I only see the kids who come super early in the morning, most of them being under 8. This was the first time I'd been around any kids who had extreme attitude problems and could not listen to an adult. Honestly, I didn't even want to go but, right after lunch, 30 kids, myself and another staff boarded the bus. As I had anticipated, hardly any of the kids listened to me when I tried to instruct them on what to do and how to behave.
"Just let it go," I told myself.
About halfway through our time at the rink, I started talking to one of the boys who was singing the song that was being played.
"I really like this song. I turn it on when I'm in my room with my girlfriend so my dad won't hear"
I was shocked. This boy was 10 -years-old. How many girlfriends does a 10-year-old have? And why on earth would you let your 10-year-old have a 'significant other'?
This got me thinking. As appalled as I was at this new, it honestly didn't surprise me. The average age for a first kiss is 14 and the average age of having sex is 17, however by age 13, 17% of kids are already having sex. What does this say about our culture?
Listening to the songs they skating rink played, I found my answer. Children are born into an extremely sexual culture. At the rink, there where kids ranging from 5 to 15. The music choice fit more of a adult dance party than a family venue. There is literally no safe zone for young people. Sex is bombarded from every street corner- it's used in billboards on roads, in television, and in music. On the way home from work, I scanned the local radio stations and found I could not get away from some sort of sexual message. At least one or more of the 'popular' music stations streamed music with profanity or inappropriate content.
The biggest challenge is to find a way to de-sexualize these kids, to give them a place to be their age, not act like the songs on the radio. I don't like this modern culture nor do I suport the message it is sending our young kids, but this will not stop me from finding a way to relate and ingage this over-sexualized culture.