Home?

Home is central to life. Having a physical thing to say, "hey this is mine" seems like a basic right. It's comforting, provides normalcy and a place to cook and store your clothing. Home is good. It should be safe. It should be a place of routine.

And then sometimes it isn't.

Home is where the cacti are.

Sometimes home is couch hopping. Sharing a bed. Renting a futon. Sometimes home changes more than the weather on a typical Chicago day. It's not normal, there's no routine, and it feels unsafe.

This has been my post-grad reality.

I'd tried to make this super temporary nomadic season as a time of gratitude, of giving thanks to the wonderful friends who are storing my clothes, opening their homes, and providing me an interim family as I'm waiting to move into my summer apartment. And believe me when I say I'm thankful. I truly have seen an incredible support system rise around me and I am humbled by people' love. Selfishly, however, I want to curl up on a bed that isn't mine and complain about how life is too hard, I don't have a home right now and all leave this city.

And I think this is a consistent representation of my prayer life.

When life fails to meet my expectations or when I'm too emotionally exhausted, I complain to everyone. My parents (God has blessed you with crazy amounts of patiences so S/O to you for being awesome), my friends, myself, my kids at work, in my journal, and to God. Grumbling. Lamenting. Bemoaning. Doing everything in my power to focus on the negative or unpleasant circumstance. Yet it's in the seasons with unsteady routines, uncomfortable circumstances, and lack of control over my reality that God continually, faithfully, consistently shows up. Over and over. I forget. God is faithful. I forget. God is faithful. I forget. God is faithful.

I seem to forget quite continuously these days. My expectations of post-grad life are not being met. Walking across the stage didn't suddenly make my anxieties flutter away. And God is still good. I just forget this. There's two tensions at work here: "I'll fake it til I make it" and "Woe is me". Neither one allows the present emotions to be experienced in a healthy way nor do they make space for true gratitude. The mindset I'd like to replace those with is more like a prayer, saying "God, you've been faithful and you continue to be faithful. I don't trust you right now and you will always be good." This expresses my human tendency to not trust what I can't see or don't understand as well as the forever truth that God is faithful. He's been faithful since the creation of the world and there is not one single promise He's broken yet my flesh doubts Him again and again. I'm thankful that my limitations and doubts do not reflect the true nature of God.

I'm thankful He is my home.

Blog update//giving information

Hello faithful followers!

This past week has been quite crazy. I graduated college, moved out of my school-year apartment, and am still trying to wrap my head around what's happening next in my life!

I have been BLOWN away by how encouraging everyone has been as many people have been eagerly asking how they can support my trip. I've re-done the layout of my blog. The "Partner with Me" information is at the top of the page now in hopes that it makes it easier for those who would like to donate to find the information.

First, to go this page. In the box that says "use my donation for", put in "Olivia Gahan- WMF Thailand" as it will notify the US office to place the funds aside for me. Then choose your amount and you have also the option of making it a monthly donation.

Thank you so much for your generosity! If you have any questions or would like to meet up and talk more in-depth about the trip, I would love to set time aside to answer any questions!

Letting the city teach me

Everyone has a life path. A tale of overlapping fates. A Story. Stories shape our life. We learn from them and they shape who we are. Everyone has a story. Thus far, my story has had many chapters filled with themes of trust and faithfulness and, as my college time is coming to an end, my story is about to have a new chapter.

End of High School//Start of an adventure!

Let me back up to 4 years ago when I was graduating from high school and, by a miracle of God, chose to attend North Park. I had previously learned about NPU during a mission trip in Chicago the summer of 2006 when I stayed on campus. I returned during the summer of 2009 and discovered the Boys & Girls Club, which has been my place of employment for almost three years. As a freshman, I volunteered at By The Hand where I was reconnected with my mission trip leader and met one of my dearest friends who also attends Soul City Church! Attending North Park lead me on a wild adventure where I learned more about myself, how to love others well, and choosing to trust God.

Learn more about the Foundation!!

So I shouldn't be surprised as my college years are coming to a close and He's calling me on another adventure! I've been chosen to serve alongside Word Made Flesh in Thailand for the next two years! Work Made Flesh is committed to "serving Jesus among the most vulnerable poor" (read more here). I will be working alongside the Creative Life Foundation who serve migrant, displaced, trafficked, and marginalized individuals living in Bangkok. Watch the quick video below in the link!

During my time in Thailand, I will partner with a project called Mina's (check out the facebook page!) by building relationships who those impacted by this awesome project and helping the project grow. Mina's mission statement is to exist to create wholesome delicious healthy foods at reasonable and accessible prices to create jobs that are creative, fun, rewarding, inspiring with positive impact on larger community. I am thrilled for this opportunity because it links my passion for relational missions and healthy, sustainable food!

This city has taught me so much. It's propelled my passions, developed a deeper sense of self, and elevated my eagerness to serve others. This is such an Only God story and the way He's used Chicago as my classroom the past four years is proof of His goodness. I am eager to take the lessons of trust and faithfulness learned here in Chicago and bring them to Bangkok as this new chapter of my life unfolds.

Warm to your toes potato, lentil, and vegetable stew!

Hey! I made my own soup and actually measured everything and am so excited to share it with you!
So, all over the world, it is freezing. Maybe not everywhere but here, it has been so cool for way too long. Like isn't there a limit on how much snow can fall from the sky?! Naturally, after walking from the bus, all I want to eat is some amazing soup. After being inspired from this post from the Smitten Kitchen, I was intrigued. I'd never mixed lentils and potatoes together! Since I am a college student, I did not have like any of the ingredients in my kitchen. Improvisation is key! But the results are a delicious, filling, warm stew to keep you warm on a winter night!

Warm to your toes potato, lentil, and vegetable stew:

Ingredients:

1/4 cup whole green lentils
1 cup water
1 cup vegetable stock
Red onion, to taste
2 tsp crushed garlic, about 4 garlic cloves
2 tsp cumin
3-4 small potatoes
1/4 cup mushroom
1 small zucchini
Salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

Place lentils and liquids in pot. Boil for about 10 minutes. Add onion (I used a solid wedge, which is an entirely unhelpful measurement, I know), garlic, cumin, and salt and pepper to taste. Cut potatoes into small wedges. Turn down the heat and add to pot.
Mince mushrooms and zucchini. Add to pot. Add more water/stock if the stew is a little too thick. Let simmer for about 15-20 minutes, depending on how long it takes the lentils to become soft.
Enjoy!!

Thankful reflections.

It has been all too long since I wrote last. Life seems to have picked up speed. While I try to maintain the hectic pace, all too often I flail and fall and fail to keep up. I am all out of breath. Things blur by and I forget to pause, reflect, and give thanks. My to-to list becomes so extensive that I am more motivated by the tasks than by the people God has so graciously placed in my life. My world spins madly and I become so sucked in, I start thinking that this is MY world and I only have to worry about ME.

I forget to reflect and give thanks.

One of my favorite ways to meditate is through reflective meditation. At the end of the day, I will lie down, breathe deeply, focus my mind on the day and reflect on my actions, thoughts, and words as I interacted with others during the day. There are themes throughout my days- I get grumpy when things don't go my way, I tend to be edgy when I feel stressed, I respond with hostility to certain types of leadership- that I am more mindful of because I know these are areas that need improvement.

But my favorite aspect of reflective meditation is being mindful of all the good things, all the moments during the day I can give thanks for. These can be as simple as the sunrise or as complex as discerning the Lord's direction for a life path.

One morning as I was drinking my coffee, I noticed the reflection of my kitchen christmas lights and the cloudy sky. It struck my attention and I snapped this picture. While admiring the reflection, I began pondering on my own actions lately. 

My whirlwind life had struck down my peaceful spirit and replaced it with one of anxiousness. I was so immersed in life that I started to manifest the world, not God. 

I was looking outward, not upward.

Reflections constructs space for thanksgiving and produces praise to the Lord. For myself, it also creates a space for me to be listening for God and what He says is true- regardless of the noise of the world. It is all the more crucial to carve out the time to pause, reflect, and give thanks even  in the midst of crazy life circumstances. It is in the time of chaos that reorienting ourselves upwards to reflect the Lord creates to most rebalancing in our lives. 

Thoughts on not apologizing.

I have been on such a cooking kick. 

It gets worse when people are like, "Dang, this is delicious! You should make___!" because my brain gets all excited about what new foods I can combine first. And I just bought a brand new pan from Sur La Table. Literally the best purchase ever! So, baking has been on my mind. And I'm not upset about it.

And here is me tonight, making my personal favorite rendition of banana oat bread. 

I have a dream. I would like to open a bed and breakfast when I am older. Right in the mountains of Colorado, just so that my bestie will come out and visit me.

Here's a thought. What if we ALL lived into our dreams? What could we, the human race, accomplish? Like instead of judging which dreams were socially acceptable and attainable, people encouraged one another to just go for it!

Lately, I have been more aware that some dreams I have are a little far fetched. Like wanted to fix the education system or provide healthy food in schools. I generally make some sort of lame, apologetic remark after the person shoots me an, "Are you crazy?!" look.

But that's my dream. Sorry not sorry.

(I also had a dream that I'd finish my reading for school but that's not about to happen tonight)

Basically, if I could give struggling people who feel like they don't measure up some solid advice, I'd tell them to meditate deep in their souls. Search for that child-like desire. Grasp it. Living into it. And achieve your dream. Most importantly, stop apologizing.

Dr. Seuss says it eloquently: "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer and you!"

Flower child.

Today, I prayed to make my work an act of worship. I have been feeling so unsatisfied with my job, a job that I have so enjoyed and have been blessed to have.  My outlook has not been one of worship- it's been one of resentment and dragging my feet. Work is hard. It's mundane. It's repetitive. All the joy that I have gleaned from my job has been directly Above.

Throughout the day, I was more aware of all the praise I should be giving God. The sky was so blue, the flowers so pink and the movement of people and nature so awe-inspiring. I picked some pink petals on my walk from class.

When I was at work, I set foot a new attitude- how can I bring God glory?
I worked diligently, spoke uplifting words to my co-workers, and God gave me patience for the kids.
Near the end of the day, we went outside. Now, there's this amazing backyard filled with a garden, flowers, and grass. Some of the kids helped me pick the ripe vegetables. Some played football in the grass. Some jumped rope. Laughter filled the air.
Once the vegetables were picked, I sat in the grass with some little girls and we made clover crowns, smiling and giggling at one another. As I was leaving today, I grabbed some flowers for my house.

Refreshed.

God gave me color. He gave me laughter. He gave me sunshine. And He gave be flowers, the most wonderful of His whole creation. Now this is what sits on my kitchen table, reminding me to be oh so thankful for the color and to lay my praises before God.