You know what sucks? Looking back.
Like it’s so stinking hard to be in the present especially
when you’ve had such sweet memories and are scheming up exciting and compelling
dreams and visions for your life. Man, living your best life can sometimes come
with unintended consequences like missing your friends and endless reels of
what-if’s and I-could-have’s.
So this last year I graduated college knowing I would move
to Bangkok but not having a single clue what my time here would look like and
I’ll be the first to say it’s nothing like I imagined. It’s hard and
emotionally draining. The city is hot and crowded; work is hard and
frustrating. Yet all the hardships can’t overshadow how much I’ve grown to
enjoy (and even love) the overcrowded city, the humans I now have the privilege
to call friends, and the job where I learn more about myself and Jesus on the
daily.
Something I’ve struggled with since day one of being in
Bangkok is FOMO (fear of missing out) syndrome. Y’all can relate. FOMO starts
creeping in when you see someone post an IG photo of a party you weren’t
invited to or your BFF starts hanging out with her new work crew. Well imagine
that if you’re living overseas and your friends are getting married/having
babies/moving/working awesome jobs, etc. It's the pits and it’s the prime
opportunity for all the ‘should-have’s’ and ‘what-if’s’ to start taking root in
my brain.
“I should have stayed at the Club and helped my kids
graduate high school”
“I could have worked harder to find a full time job in the
city.”
“What if I got the job? Would I be happier than I am? Why am I even here when I just want to be in Chicago?”
“What if I got the job? Would I be happier than I am? Why am I even here when I just want to be in Chicago?”
All of these are real thoughts I have like on the weekly.
And get this, nothing positive in gained by these reoccurring playbacks. I can’t
change the past, I’m not in Chicago, I don’t have the job I wanted. I’m here in
Bangkok, working at an NGO, making new friends, eating noodles. Like this is my
life. And wasting my time and energy thinking about and wishing to change the
past robs me of the JOY that is this present moment. Life’s pretty stinking
sweet once I stop focusing on what other people are doing and accomplishing and
start giving myself permission to be fully invested and present where I’m
placed.
The grass will always greener, right? Or maybe, to take the
famous words of Justin Beiber or actually Big Sean, “the grass ain't always greener on the other side; it's greener where you water it.” From
my experience, when I acknowledge my past peoples and experience for propelling
me to where I am AND cherish the new friends and adventures of this present
moment, I’m able to pay homage to the things of old and fully live in the
present moment. It's like I get to bake my cake and eat it. The best of both
worlds.
I may never beat FOMO but I can sure can live out a life worth remembering.
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