Thankful reflections.

It has been all too long since I wrote last. Life seems to have picked up speed. While I try to maintain the hectic pace, all too often I flail and fall and fail to keep up. I am all out of breath. Things blur by and I forget to pause, reflect, and give thanks. My to-to list becomes so extensive that I am more motivated by the tasks than by the people God has so graciously placed in my life. My world spins madly and I become so sucked in, I start thinking that this is MY world and I only have to worry about ME.

I forget to reflect and give thanks.

One of my favorite ways to meditate is through reflective meditation. At the end of the day, I will lie down, breathe deeply, focus my mind on the day and reflect on my actions, thoughts, and words as I interacted with others during the day. There are themes throughout my days- I get grumpy when things don't go my way, I tend to be edgy when I feel stressed, I respond with hostility to certain types of leadership- that I am more mindful of because I know these are areas that need improvement.

But my favorite aspect of reflective meditation is being mindful of all the good things, all the moments during the day I can give thanks for. These can be as simple as the sunrise or as complex as discerning the Lord's direction for a life path.

One morning as I was drinking my coffee, I noticed the reflection of my kitchen christmas lights and the cloudy sky. It struck my attention and I snapped this picture. While admiring the reflection, I began pondering on my own actions lately. 

My whirlwind life had struck down my peaceful spirit and replaced it with one of anxiousness. I was so immersed in life that I started to manifest the world, not God. 

I was looking outward, not upward.

Reflections constructs space for thanksgiving and produces praise to the Lord. For myself, it also creates a space for me to be listening for God and what He says is true- regardless of the noise of the world. It is all the more crucial to carve out the time to pause, reflect, and give thanks even  in the midst of crazy life circumstances. It is in the time of chaos that reorienting ourselves upwards to reflect the Lord creates to most rebalancing in our lives. 

Thoughts on not apologizing.

I have been on such a cooking kick. 

It gets worse when people are like, "Dang, this is delicious! You should make___!" because my brain gets all excited about what new foods I can combine first. And I just bought a brand new pan from Sur La Table. Literally the best purchase ever! So, baking has been on my mind. And I'm not upset about it.

And here is me tonight, making my personal favorite rendition of banana oat bread. 

I have a dream. I would like to open a bed and breakfast when I am older. Right in the mountains of Colorado, just so that my bestie will come out and visit me.

Here's a thought. What if we ALL lived into our dreams? What could we, the human race, accomplish? Like instead of judging which dreams were socially acceptable and attainable, people encouraged one another to just go for it!

Lately, I have been more aware that some dreams I have are a little far fetched. Like wanted to fix the education system or provide healthy food in schools. I generally make some sort of lame, apologetic remark after the person shoots me an, "Are you crazy?!" look.

But that's my dream. Sorry not sorry.

(I also had a dream that I'd finish my reading for school but that's not about to happen tonight)

Basically, if I could give struggling people who feel like they don't measure up some solid advice, I'd tell them to meditate deep in their souls. Search for that child-like desire. Grasp it. Living into it. And achieve your dream. Most importantly, stop apologizing.

Dr. Seuss says it eloquently: "Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer and you!"

Flower child.

Today, I prayed to make my work an act of worship. I have been feeling so unsatisfied with my job, a job that I have so enjoyed and have been blessed to have.  My outlook has not been one of worship- it's been one of resentment and dragging my feet. Work is hard. It's mundane. It's repetitive. All the joy that I have gleaned from my job has been directly Above.

Throughout the day, I was more aware of all the praise I should be giving God. The sky was so blue, the flowers so pink and the movement of people and nature so awe-inspiring. I picked some pink petals on my walk from class.

When I was at work, I set foot a new attitude- how can I bring God glory?
I worked diligently, spoke uplifting words to my co-workers, and God gave me patience for the kids.
Near the end of the day, we went outside. Now, there's this amazing backyard filled with a garden, flowers, and grass. Some of the kids helped me pick the ripe vegetables. Some played football in the grass. Some jumped rope. Laughter filled the air.
Once the vegetables were picked, I sat in the grass with some little girls and we made clover crowns, smiling and giggling at one another. As I was leaving today, I grabbed some flowers for my house.

Refreshed.

God gave me color. He gave me laughter. He gave me sunshine. And He gave be flowers, the most wonderful of His whole creation. Now this is what sits on my kitchen table, reminding me to be oh so thankful for the color and to lay my praises before God.

Healthy eats 101.

A common concern some friends have made is, "I just don't know what to get to eat!" Like we've all been fed our whole lives but how well do we remember what our parents picked out from the grocery store? If someone had explained to me my freshman year how essential tomato paste is to one's pantry, my life would be a whole different story right now. So, in an attempt to assist fellow friends who are living and grocery shopping on their own, here's a little advice on what to get and how to eat healthy.

First. The basics. Here's a picture of my go-to groceries. The only thing not pictured is bananas and let me tell you, this past week has been a bummer because of my lack of bananas.

Here's the break down:

Basic protein:

• Black beans (Amazing in salad)
• Eggs
• Garbanzo beans/ humus
• Peanut butter
• Tuna

Basic veggies:

• Frozen peppers (I put these in literally every dish!)
• Squash (Zucchini in the summer, squash in the winter) 
• Red onion (Also in every dish)
• Tomatos or caned diced tomatos 
• Greens (Green beans right now. Other times, broccoli) 
• Spinach!
• Potatoes, either sweet or regular 
• Carrots. Always carrots
• Mushrooms

Basic grains

• White quinoa (Can soak up so much flavor!)
• Oatmeal
• Granola 
• Whole wheat flour for break making!
• Tortillas

Others:

• Greek yogurt
• Dressing (Just choose a vinaigrette with tons of flavor. Right now, I'm using a cranberry one from Trader Joe's!)
• Yellow raisins. A sweet snack
• Fruit- seasonal

Wow, lengthy run down! It is intimidating, but start somewhere!

Something I always have to remind myself is to not judge your chapter one with someone else's chapter 20. If eating healthy for you is just having 2 slices of pizza instead of the whole box, that is an awesome step! Take it slow. If you try to shift your life-long eating habits in one week, you are not going to get very far. Change one part of your diet each month. Work hard and keep going if you mess up! Food is so fun! Just try different combinations and play around with flavors. You will develop your own style of eating and flavors and foods. And remember, treat yourself! Eating ice cream and brownies is still ok, just be conscious and eat moderation!

Giving is greater than receiving

August 23rd (yesterday) was the last day of summer camp 2013. I SURVIVED. Honestly, there were times I didn't think I'd make it, but God blessed me with the most amazing co-workers and kiddos. My heart overflows with gratitude to each amazing person I was able to encounter this summer and for the lessons each one taught me. The most impacting life lesson was the one about sharing. I guess I missed this as a kid. Even though I love taking food right off people's plates without asking, I am really not a fan of sharing things like my money. Ask to borrow a shirt or some food and I'm so down. But when you are requesting to take some of my hard earned money, I ain't about to let that go.

The work culture at the Boys and Girls Club is laid back and chill with a little bit of caring. Like we're all just living through the madness which causes us to care about whether you are going crazy or mostly insane for the day. And, if you need help, most likely, someone's got your back. And this help totally extends to lunch food.

I've made cookies and little treats for the staff, but when the day arrived that I was going to the store over break and causally asked if anyone wanted something, I was not prepared for a list of requests, totally about $8. That's like half of my paycheck (just kidding). But I was still not happy about it.

After reflecting about my purchase of oreos and pretzels, I realized my heart was in the way wrong place. If I can bless a group of people I totally care about through a little bit of store bough snacks, why not? Here's a little list of all the kind things my co-workers did for me this summer:

• moved me in
• let me borrow a car
• fed me
• listened to my stress rants
• helped me stay sane
• invited me to a barbecue

Yeah, I gotta let this white-knuckled grip on money go. It's just materials, and it is so rewarding to see people enjoying something you've given to them. So, as I go to move into school today, I'm a little sad because all those wonderful people are also moving in to their schools and I will miss them terribly. But I'm also joy-filled because they are awesome and I cannot wait to see how they impact the world, because they sure impacted me.

Happy "summer camp ended and we survived" faces! 

 

Let's get coffee.

Pumpkin Spice Latte time

This is my bestie. We often get coffee together. Like I would venture to say that 100% of the time we see each other, we also have coffee. Easy to say that we've found the best coffee houses in Omaha, Lincoln, and Chicago. This is awesome because I love coffee.

Whenever I meet new people, I usually suggest getting coffee. It's easy, enjoyable, and a great way to get to know someone. And, most of the time, these new friendships never bloom beyond "let's get coffee."

Yummy pizza for hungry friends

This is a picture of us when we made pizza at my apartment last fall. Seriously, I don't think I laughed so hard. I'm not sure why we couldn't figure out like how to make pizza on a tortilla but it was a hot mess that turned into a wonderful memory I shared with this dear friend.

I believe that we live in a "let's get coffee" culture when we are called to live in a "let's make food" culture. And this isn't just because I love eating food. When bread is broke within a group of people, there is a bond.
After we came back from India, I went out to coffee a few times with members on the team, but it wasn't until I had people over to my apartment, eating food, seeing how I live my messy and imperfect life that I was able to open up about how the trip affected the way I now live.

When we break bread, we are being vulnerable and going deeper that the often times shallow relationships built over coffee. This is a no-brainer, really. Coffee is a crutch we don't need; a liquid that just flows. Food is substance, something we depend on for energy. Food goes beyond the surface and into the intimate parts of people's live. These are the kinds of relationships we are called to build- relationships that can withstand hard times and disappointments. Relationships that are authentic and meaningful. Relationships built on food.

All that food.

Recently, I have been eating and cooking a plethora of extraordinary food and wanted to share with the world!

If you live in the Chicago area, you HAVE to try Jam N' Honey (click here for website). I went here for my birthday brunch (Yay for not being a teenager anymore!). It was stellar! I had the oatmeal pancakes. The best part is that they leave a huge jar of nutella on your table!!  So amazing.

Last Sunday, I ate an India restaurant with some new friends (Believe it or not, I am actually capable of meeting and not scaring off new people. What a skill). Four of us split three entrees and a side on naan, which was more than enough! The best part was the chi tea! It was definitely the closest tasting to the homemade tea we were served in India!! ( Here is the link!)

Finally, a few weeks ago, I ventured out to an Ethiopian restaurant. Holy cow! I have been missing out on some delicious food! Since many of my kid's are African (as in they were born in Africa), I have been hearing all about their favorite foods and wanting to try them. This restaurant did not disappoint! So the way we ordered our food was picking out 4 dishes to try in smaller portions, which was just the perfect amount. The best part was eating the food without silverware  Along with the entrees, we were served this spongy bread called injera as eating utensils. So fun!! (Click here for more information)

Now, for the recipes.

I've been experimenting with kale. So far I've made orange, quinoa, and kale salad and chopped kale salad, both, ironically from the same blogger. SO GOOD. I steam my kale before making it, but I've also heard you can massage oil into the leaves (whaaaa...?) and cooking them a little, so kind of like kale chips. Both were steller. I have really started loving kale so it's a major plus that the garden at work grows it like a weed! Whoooo!

For an quick, easy, and healthy dinner, I like avocado chicken and grilled capresse naan pizza. So easy and so healthy and oh so delicious. Such wonderful food.

I also have a soft spot for black beans. I usually make some variation of this or this.

Breakfast is my all time favorite meal of the day. My most favorite recipes are veggie quiche cups, baked carrot cake oatmeal, banana peanut butter scones, and whole wheat pancakes. I tend to eat a larger breakfast so that I can stay full all day long!!

Today, I made homemade nutella AND peanut butter. Life with a food processor is so great. Like a little slice of heaven.

Now, I have to get back to my oatmeal fig bread. That's right folks. I keep my cooking classy!
I hope you are inspired to create something delicious!!

My cup runneth over and my sink is flooded.

Today was such an amazingly solid day that also sucked hardcore.
First off, I walked into work today with the stupid art room sink clogged with the pulp from paper that was made yesterday. Who thinks it's a smart idea to dump that down the drain?! So I spent two hours hand draining that.
Then, I played a game of "Will This Stick" with the wall. The wall won. Seriously, the only I could successfully use to hang pictures was duck tape that ripped off a layer of my own skin. Solid.
When I finally made it down to see my kiddos, the attacked me. Literally. Like sat on me, pulled my hands and legs, and surrounded me on all sides. I smiled. So content. My cup runs over. These kiddos overflow my love bucket.
The day continued on. We learned that the amygdala is what processes our emotions. When we are upset or our brain is stressed, the information gets all jumbled and doesn't processe correctly, which is why it is oh so important we count to 10 to calm down before we react. Right after this lesson, there were about 780843 fights as we lined up to wash hands for lunch. Someday my kiddos will catch on.
THEN. It happened.
The sink stopped working. Like would not drain. It was out of my control. Nothing was blocking the drain, it was just the 30 kids who washed their hands with glue, glitter, paint, paper pulp, and pottery that built up. I knew it would happen someday, and today was that day. What a win. So great.
In art class today, I had the honor of hearing all 20 11-14 grumble about how much they hate art while we walked up the stairs. Nothing motivates me more to find that amazing art project. Seriously. I want every kid to choose creativity over violence and anger. This is just the first step and, as hair-pulling out as it is, I love it. Plus, half of the room did AND enjoyed the activity. HALF! That's ten young men engaged in art for an hour. WHAT A WIN. My heart literally swelled with pride.
Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very wonderful day. It was oh so chaotic and stressful, but I can start to see my kiddos make better choices and art classes have become easier. Also, I'm better managing this whole working full time and having a social life. Life is happy. This morning, God gave me a wonderful verse from Psalm 25. (I read it out of Psalm Now (a book) so it'll be a little different) It says: "I am reaching for you again, O God, from the abyss of defeat, the suffocating shame of failure. I seek your mercy and your help. Enable me to see your will for my life. Break through the stifling darkness with some direction, some meaning, some purpose for my existence."
So good. I felt that direction, meaning, and purpose all day long and I am so full of deep Joy.

Takin' on July

So, I made a New Year's Resolution to improve myself in different ways each month during this whole year. This whole plan started well but the last two months have been challenging as I have not set a goal. I've still been improving! I finished my second year of college, moved onto Lakeshore Dr. and currently have my first full time job! So those are all solid situations! But here's the thing. I've been feeling crazy unfulfilled lately, as if my life is void of any meaning. And, heck, I work with underprivileged kids who love me and need me to calm them down, so clearly I've got the wrong mindset. I decided that I would be best to add to my life, which would, by force of nature, take out all the unneeded and time consuming habits. It's like a life detox!
There's a list I've constructed, not too challenging but difficult enough to invoke change.
Every day, I will:

• Be active for at least 40 minutes
• Sit still for at least 10 minutes and let my mind be refreshed
• Do an act of kindness
• Complement someone new
• Read the news for at least 10 minutes
• Read a book

Each week, I will:

• Meet up with someone I haven't seen in a while
• Give money
• Volunteer
• Complete an item on my summer bucket list
• Memorize a bible verse
• Write a letter
• Cook a new recipe 

The list might grow as the month goes on, but basically, I'm going to fill my life with great actions and better love those around me. Also, this will make my time more meaningful, whether I'm growing my intelectual knowledge or the knowledge of the world and people around me. 

Family.

Family: a group of adults and children living in a household.
By this definition, I am currently living in a new, very odd set-up of a family, as I am living in the house of two wonderful adults who are not my parents. Strange as it is, we are start of getting in to a regular rhythm and feeling like a make-shift family.
Thus far, I have concluded that there are two types of family: the one you are born into and the one(s) you choose. This weekend, I was blessed to spend time with both of my wonderful families.

A small group of my wonderful friend/family!

It started on Friday when this wonderful group of friends met for a fantastic dinner and music festival followed by a memorable trip to the beach. This whole weekend, I was oh so blessed to go on crazy adventures with a whole slew of my friend/family. What an amazing support system they are to me. I could not take on Chicago so hard without them by my side.

Family shopping trip via skype!

Then, on Saturday, my daddio facetimed me in the middle of TJMaxx. Classic dad stuff right there. But let me tell ya, nothing beats drinking coffee and helping your big little sis pick out the comforter for her college dorm next year. Technology is so wonderful and helps keep me and my for real fam-jam close. I have been blessed with an astoundingly supportive family who is just the right amount of cray-cray.


All this to say, treasure the people in your life who support you, whether it be the couple who put you up for the summer, friends, co-workers, or blood-relatives. Without the people I call family, I'd be out wondering Chicago, constantly getting lost! (So thanks to everyone I call when I can't find my way. Literally. Like when I get lost in the streets)

Coconuts in America

Last night, I decided to bake. It was about 9:30 and things got pretty wild in the kitchen. I'm trying to make my baking much healthier since it's something I super enjoy, but it can also lead to eating far too much food! So, I ventured to make a healthy banana-coconut muffin for breakfast the next morning. I used a super simple recipe and substituted regular flour and sugar for healthier alternatives:

1 1/4 cup Whole Wheat Flour
1 tsp baking powder
Pinch of sea salt
2 Bananas
1 stick unsalted butter, melted (Make sure it's in a bowl. Mine melted all over the microwave!)
2/3 cup organic raw sugar
1 Tbsp Chia Seed 
1/2 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup coconut flakes

Breakfast today! 

Turn oven to 375.
Use a chia seed egg. Put a Tbsp of chia seed in a small bowl. Add 3 Tbsp of water and let sit for about 5 minutes. 
Mash the bananas in a large bowl. Add the sugar, butter, vanilla, coconut flakes, and chia seed egg. Hand mix together. Gradually add the flour, salt, and baking powder. 
Place into muffin tins. This should make about a dozen. Bake for 25 minute, cool, and enjoy!

Coconuts have a new significance to me now. At TruthSeekers, Sunil literally wacks a coconut open during communion. It's loud, shocking, and perfect representation of Christ's body. It was ripped apart and broken for us in a very vivid and real way. Ripping bread just doesn't have the same affect as seeing the swing of the hammer repeatedly hit the coconut; a reminder of the nails that were driven into the Lord's hands. So, as you make these amazing muffins, just reflect and give thanks to Christ for his sacrifice. 

Long Live.

Confession: T-Swift's Long Live song still makes me weep. Uncontrollably. Still. It's mildly embarrassing but something I've come to terms with.

My dear friends, 2010

My sissy is graduating in like three days and I am half-way finished with college as of three days ago. So many emotions flooding my brain. I cannot believe that soon, half of the fam will be in college.
I hung out with my dear friend today and made the off-handed comment how I am really satisfied with how life is going. The past couple of months have been a roller coster of learning opportunities and life lessons. (Actually, let's get real, the past 6 years have been a roller coster of life lessons!)

Just as wonderful now!

But seriously, I have the most wonderful group of friends that laugh as we reminisce about the past and encourage each other as we look towards the future. It seems so not two years ago that I waddled down the gym floor and received my diploma  Now, I'm two years away from graduating from college. Seems so far away, but if the next two years are anything like the past two, it will fly by.
High school will always have such sweet memories and wonderful moments. I'm so thrilled to keep making new friends and new moments while pouring into the lives of my dear friends that have helped shape and mold me, thus far.

apartment.

She walks around the apartment in high heels and gym clothes, perhaps not the most practical way to beging the daunting taste of packing, but who's to say what is and isn't acceptable. Captivated only by the thoughts in her head and the noise of the construction crew outside. she struggles to get her mind focused on the task before her. The idea of transporting all her belongings out of her beloved apartment is overwhelming. And unthinkable. Here is sacred ground- the walls hang with smiling faces of past memories, the couch sags with the weight of people's ghosts, and the floor creaks with the pressure of holding the place where many memories were made. With every frame removed, dish pack away and clothing folded, she feels her adult-ness being packed away with the items.
Here is the kitchen where she burned milk and cookies, perfected pumpkin cheesecake brownies and chicken enchiladas, and fostered her love of hospitality.
Here is the living room where she decorated the mantal for every season, sprawled on the couch after a long day, and ate dinner with friends.
Here is the bedroom where cousins, friends, and sisters have stayed and where the art of storage under a bed was perfected.

Next year, someone else will inhabit the apartment she has grown so fondly of. The apartment where she can rock high heels and gym clothes. The apartment where nerf gun wars happen. The apartment she can call home. The apartment in which she became an adult.

I see you.

I have the greatest friends. Yesterday, after running around in search of a new phone for one of my dear friends, we were finally on our way back to campus. I was tired from a long work day and cranky from lack of food. All I wanted was to be in my apartment, covered in a warm blanket.
As we were walking, she said some very wise and true words.
"I think the best thing Jesus says to us is, 'I see you.'"
I see you.
I see through your masks.
I see through your scars.
I see through your pain.
I see through your past and see the person you will become.
I see your potential.
I see your real worth, not your worth determined by the world, but you REAL worth as determined by me.

Last night, my friend saw through my tiredness and grumpy attitude and saw true friendship, because you're a real friend when you spend Friday night at a Verizon store.

But, even greater that her love for me is God's love for me. And for all of us.
He sees through me. He sees through my false identities, my searching for belonging, and my wayward stumbles. He sees that I am looking for a higher purpose and acceptance. God sees me and chooses to love me, pursue me, and cherish me. Oh how great is His love!

6AM

I woke up at 6am this morning. There was no particular reason; my brain wouldn't shut off so I swung my feet onto the floor and decided to make the best of it.

Here's how to best use one's time when waking at 6am:

First, make a pot of coffee.
Stare at the sun as it rises. 

Contemplate making a smoothie but settle for chocolate chip pancakes. Homemade, of course. 

Eat breakfast and read the bible. Joel is more interesting when you're still half asleep.

Ponder life's difficult questions. Spend time mulling over past mistakes. Wish you could change them but shrug and move on.

Journal about said thoughts.

Listen to music and attempt to write essay. Settle for writing thank you's instead.

Wash face and put on real clothes.

Realize that Facebook is stupid and vow to never get on again.

Try to read book for class.

Get on Facebook and immediately hate yourself.

Do laundry.

Organize your collection of tea. 

Respond to over-do emails.

Buy a concert ticket.

Lament about how you wish you had more money.

Be grateful for what you have.

Choreograph an interpretive dance.  

Louth the wind.

Plan out your impossible crazy day.

Decide the world needs to know about your epic morning.

Blog.

Brush teeth.

Become presentable to the world.

Run to class and hope not to be late.

Boxes.

Happy news: I have been blessed with the chance to stay in Chicago this summer! When my co-worker told me, I jumped up and down while screaming for a solid ten minutes. The kids thought I was crazy (what's new), but I was (and still am) elated. However, this means that I will (fingers crossed) no longer live at home in Nebraska! It's so excited and bittersweet at the same time.
Since it's a quite Monday, I figured I might as well go through the mounds of boxes under my bed and throw away all the old notes, camp devotionals, and memories from middle and high school. Let me tell  you, this is not an easy task. How do I know what to save and to throw away? What is actually important? The arm of my old stuffed animal? An encouraging letter from a past camp counselor  The award letters from speech meets? Has my life boiled down to a few old boxes?
Honestly, I cannot bring myself to keep the boxes of speech critiques and worn, marked up scripts, even though I put my life and soul into perfecting them each new season. It's the wonderful notes and letters from old church friends, middle school classmates and family that make this so difficult. I do not sit and read each card on a consistant bases, but it is amazing and wonderful to have these momentos. These people helped me through hard times, supported me in every life change, and loved me during all my awkward stages. (And there was most definitely more than one!) And, the best part is, they continue to support me in all my new life adventures!

Great God

Ok, here's a short update. On Monday, we had orientation at the youth hostel. Tuesday, we went to a village for our first foot washing. Wednesday, we woke up at 4am to get on a train then a bus to wash feet at another village. We stayed the night at a hotel in Gwolier( a city about 3 hours away from the village) Then, yesterday, we traveled another 3 hours for our final foot washing.
Guys, TruthSeekers is doing real kingdom work. It is such an honor to work along side them. We're going to look at India in 50 years and say, "wow, look what our Great God has done." Yesterday, we prayed over the city of Gwolier that God would claim the city and I truly believe that He is not only going to change the city but He's going to reclaim all of India.

Snapshot

First of all, I'd like to apologize for any misspelling or punctuation errors. Typing on an iPod is much different than a computer.
Right now, we have just returned from our first foot washing rally. As an introvert, I can say that my people quota has been reached for the next year. From the minute we stepped off the bus, there was an overwhelming crowd around us, pushing and yelling and waving from all sides. I do not have the words to express the feeling surrounding that village. I'm sure as time goes on and I process all the sights and sounds and voices and people and food and smiles and words that I'll be able to better articulate how I feel.
But. The great thing is that this life isn't all about me. And thank goodness for that. The most powerful lesson God is teaching me is that I can only comprehend a snapshot. In my humanity, I do not have the ability to fully understand the person of God or what He is doing in His people. I have put this great and unknowable God in a box. I have built constraints for Him and harnessed Him with limitations. How wrong am I.
India is shattering my expectations about God. He is surprising me His character and reminding me of many of His attributes that I've chosen to ignore. Here, we sing that God calls everyone, that He invites everyone to His temple. I like to sing these things but don't live them out. I like to take on the dole of God and determine who is worthy of forgiveness. But how can my sinful nature decide this when I myself am a hopeless sinner? The good news is that God has truly made room for everyone because He loves everyone.
While I cannot comprehend His many works going on in India, I feel so honored and blessed to be used for just a snapshot.

Two weeks to take off!

So, as usually, I'm sitting around, re-organizing my Pinterest board on a wonderful Friday night. Don't worry, I also watched Easy A with some friends earlier tonight, so there is no need to be concerned for my social wellbeing. However, now, in my head, I am pretending that I am Emma Stone because I think she is the most hilarious human that has walked the earth. So, Emma Stone, if you are reading this, this is my confession of love for you as well as my confession that I will never be as drop dead funny as you.
As much as I love Emma, I love the fact that I'm going to India even more. (Emma, if you're still reading, I'm sorry. You are certainly a close second.) In two weeks from today, I'll be in India. Like have landed in New Delhi! No matter how much I try, I still cannot wrap my head around this. Two weeks. 14 days. 10 business days. One paper, one book review, 3 journals, and a first draft of a project away from India. I have so much to do and no idea where to start.
PLEASE help my team by praying for us! We are having our second to last prep meeting this Sunday and then we'll be on a plane for 16 hours. As much bonding we've had, nothing can prepare you for a whole day of travel with twenty other individuals.

You guys are the reason why I'm able to go. Seriously, I have been blessed with an amazing group of friends, awesome support from my work and the best family in the world. You are incredible. Yes, you, reading my little post. I think you are phenomenal.
So, now that you know you're phenomenal, go make someone else's day great. Bake cookies for a neighbor. Call an old friend. Write a letter. Actually listen when people are talking to you. Put away your phone at dinner. By making people feel like the special individuals they are, we invest worth and meaning in other's lives- something that is missing in the Other Backwards Caste in India. Love people! People are the coolest!

This is a little jumbled, but I'm just so happy for the astounding support and encouragement in my life and I want everyone to share it! Go forth and love!

Here's why I'm not getting an endorsement.

Dear North Park education program,

I would like to state my reasons for not becoming endorsed in ESL or Special Education.

1. By getting an endorsement, I am saying that I am capable of teaching children who, in all honesty, I can't.

2. I am not patient. At all. ESL and Special Education teachers have to have patience and I lack that quality a whole lot.

3. I do not want to teach. I'm sorry for crushing your dreams of molding me into an exceptional teacher, but my dreams are to work in non-profit. I'm going to take what I have learned about here and apply it in a non-profit setting.

So please, stop making me feel guilty for not getting an endorsement. Thank you ever so kindly.

Love on love on love.

Art room lovin'

Here's a fun fact: I love Valentine's day. It is one of the greatest days of the year.
The art room is covered in hearts on hearts on hearts. I guess I go a little overboard but that's only because I think it is so great.

Now, here's a little background on my Valentine's history. I've had two Valentine's days when I was in a relationship and two when I was single. I'm going to be honest, I love spending my Valentine's day with my girls so we can spoil each other. For example, my date for one Valentine's was to a fabulous Italian restaurant with a dear friend and the next year, I ate ice cream from a fast food restaurant. You can see why I'd choose my girl friends over frantically finding a date.
Ok. Now for the explanation. I do not like Valentine's day because Halmark invented overly pricey cards for us to scribble down our names in a declaration of love. No. I love Valentine's day because I love LOVE. That's right. I love God's love. He is so great. I am beyond madly in love with the Creator. Having an entire day set aside to purposely love one others is the best way God is bringing the Kingdom on earth. Think about it: this is the day we'll be a little kinder to that jerk who cut us off in traffic or we'll smile at the bus driver.
And what's even more exciting is someday we'll be living in a world that is always Valentine's day! (well, minus the guilt of not yet snagging Joseph Gordon-Levitt as my Valentine) We will live in a New Earth and everything will be made right between humanity. There will be love on love on love. Love will be spilling over everything and it will be perfect.

Halfway there and back on track.

GUYS I AM AT 50% OF MY FUNDING FOR INDIA! GOD IS INCREDIBLE!

I woke up today and my roommate and I where having a super rough morning. I burnt the bacon, she forgot about her laundry, we didn't make enough coffee and there was no milk for french toast. Those are some serious issues right there. We really wanted to throw in the towel and just crawl back in bed, however, there are just somethings you can't get out of, like class and work.
Begrudgingly, I sat down and read my devotional for the day. It talked about how when we seek God, He provides peace. He gives us as much peace as we need, no matter what. There is so much to worry about but His peace transcends any worry we concoct. Psalm 46:1-2 says that God is our strong refugee and that HE is our helper in times of trouble.
I've been running so much. Right now, I am confused about most things in my life so, naturally, I think I can just solve everything. How wrong am I. After praying and repenting and meditating in God's mercy, I went to the mailroom. There was just enough money so that I was at 50% of my India funding.
GOD. IS. SO. GOOD.
So now I'm halfway there (to India) and back on track (in my life). God is my coffee- I need Him to wake me up in the morning, I need Him to function during the day, and I need Him to give me just enough energy to last til night.

Women.

Right now, I am feeling like a woman. Let me explain.
I am sitting in my living room of my apartment that I cleaned top to bottom after going to the grocery store to buy food to make lunch before I do my returns. Today has basically been a girl to-do day and I'm ok with that.
I was put in charge of a bulletin board on my floor. I wanted to make something that inspired kids to be great, the moto of the club. I'm all about quotes so I chose one by Dr. Suess: “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” 

On Friday, I was having the kids draw what they wanted to be when they grew up. We were talking about music and the kid's favorite song. All the girls started singing "Girl on Fire" by Alica Keys. I'm not sure if it was the little voices singing off key or all the smiles on their faces but in that moment I was so glad to be in the presence of such strong women. These little 7-year-old girls are the future women and if they can be so proud of themselves and have dreams and aspirations, I'd say that we are in capable hands. They can choose where they want to go and if they choose to be powerful women, so be it. After all, they are on fire and there is not slowing them down.