I see you.

I have the greatest friends. Yesterday, after running around in search of a new phone for one of my dear friends, we were finally on our way back to campus. I was tired from a long work day and cranky from lack of food. All I wanted was to be in my apartment, covered in a warm blanket.
As we were walking, she said some very wise and true words.
"I think the best thing Jesus says to us is, 'I see you.'"
I see you.
I see through your masks.
I see through your scars.
I see through your pain.
I see through your past and see the person you will become.
I see your potential.
I see your real worth, not your worth determined by the world, but you REAL worth as determined by me.

Last night, my friend saw through my tiredness and grumpy attitude and saw true friendship, because you're a real friend when you spend Friday night at a Verizon store.

But, even greater that her love for me is God's love for me. And for all of us.
He sees through me. He sees through my false identities, my searching for belonging, and my wayward stumbles. He sees that I am looking for a higher purpose and acceptance. God sees me and chooses to love me, pursue me, and cherish me. Oh how great is His love!

6AM

I woke up at 6am this morning. There was no particular reason; my brain wouldn't shut off so I swung my feet onto the floor and decided to make the best of it.

Here's how to best use one's time when waking at 6am:

First, make a pot of coffee.
Stare at the sun as it rises. 

Contemplate making a smoothie but settle for chocolate chip pancakes. Homemade, of course. 

Eat breakfast and read the bible. Joel is more interesting when you're still half asleep.

Ponder life's difficult questions. Spend time mulling over past mistakes. Wish you could change them but shrug and move on.

Journal about said thoughts.

Listen to music and attempt to write essay. Settle for writing thank you's instead.

Wash face and put on real clothes.

Realize that Facebook is stupid and vow to never get on again.

Try to read book for class.

Get on Facebook and immediately hate yourself.

Do laundry.

Organize your collection of tea. 

Respond to over-do emails.

Buy a concert ticket.

Lament about how you wish you had more money.

Be grateful for what you have.

Choreograph an interpretive dance.  

Louth the wind.

Plan out your impossible crazy day.

Decide the world needs to know about your epic morning.

Blog.

Brush teeth.

Become presentable to the world.

Run to class and hope not to be late.

Boxes.

Happy news: I have been blessed with the chance to stay in Chicago this summer! When my co-worker told me, I jumped up and down while screaming for a solid ten minutes. The kids thought I was crazy (what's new), but I was (and still am) elated. However, this means that I will (fingers crossed) no longer live at home in Nebraska! It's so excited and bittersweet at the same time.
Since it's a quite Monday, I figured I might as well go through the mounds of boxes under my bed and throw away all the old notes, camp devotionals, and memories from middle and high school. Let me tell  you, this is not an easy task. How do I know what to save and to throw away? What is actually important? The arm of my old stuffed animal? An encouraging letter from a past camp counselor  The award letters from speech meets? Has my life boiled down to a few old boxes?
Honestly, I cannot bring myself to keep the boxes of speech critiques and worn, marked up scripts, even though I put my life and soul into perfecting them each new season. It's the wonderful notes and letters from old church friends, middle school classmates and family that make this so difficult. I do not sit and read each card on a consistant bases, but it is amazing and wonderful to have these momentos. These people helped me through hard times, supported me in every life change, and loved me during all my awkward stages. (And there was most definitely more than one!) And, the best part is, they continue to support me in all my new life adventures!

Great God

Ok, here's a short update. On Monday, we had orientation at the youth hostel. Tuesday, we went to a village for our first foot washing. Wednesday, we woke up at 4am to get on a train then a bus to wash feet at another village. We stayed the night at a hotel in Gwolier( a city about 3 hours away from the village) Then, yesterday, we traveled another 3 hours for our final foot washing.
Guys, TruthSeekers is doing real kingdom work. It is such an honor to work along side them. We're going to look at India in 50 years and say, "wow, look what our Great God has done." Yesterday, we prayed over the city of Gwolier that God would claim the city and I truly believe that He is not only going to change the city but He's going to reclaim all of India.

Snapshot

First of all, I'd like to apologize for any misspelling or punctuation errors. Typing on an iPod is much different than a computer.
Right now, we have just returned from our first foot washing rally. As an introvert, I can say that my people quota has been reached for the next year. From the minute we stepped off the bus, there was an overwhelming crowd around us, pushing and yelling and waving from all sides. I do not have the words to express the feeling surrounding that village. I'm sure as time goes on and I process all the sights and sounds and voices and people and food and smiles and words that I'll be able to better articulate how I feel.
But. The great thing is that this life isn't all about me. And thank goodness for that. The most powerful lesson God is teaching me is that I can only comprehend a snapshot. In my humanity, I do not have the ability to fully understand the person of God or what He is doing in His people. I have put this great and unknowable God in a box. I have built constraints for Him and harnessed Him with limitations. How wrong am I.
India is shattering my expectations about God. He is surprising me His character and reminding me of many of His attributes that I've chosen to ignore. Here, we sing that God calls everyone, that He invites everyone to His temple. I like to sing these things but don't live them out. I like to take on the dole of God and determine who is worthy of forgiveness. But how can my sinful nature decide this when I myself am a hopeless sinner? The good news is that God has truly made room for everyone because He loves everyone.
While I cannot comprehend His many works going on in India, I feel so honored and blessed to be used for just a snapshot.

Two weeks to take off!

So, as usually, I'm sitting around, re-organizing my Pinterest board on a wonderful Friday night. Don't worry, I also watched Easy A with some friends earlier tonight, so there is no need to be concerned for my social wellbeing. However, now, in my head, I am pretending that I am Emma Stone because I think she is the most hilarious human that has walked the earth. So, Emma Stone, if you are reading this, this is my confession of love for you as well as my confession that I will never be as drop dead funny as you.
As much as I love Emma, I love the fact that I'm going to India even more. (Emma, if you're still reading, I'm sorry. You are certainly a close second.) In two weeks from today, I'll be in India. Like have landed in New Delhi! No matter how much I try, I still cannot wrap my head around this. Two weeks. 14 days. 10 business days. One paper, one book review, 3 journals, and a first draft of a project away from India. I have so much to do and no idea where to start.
PLEASE help my team by praying for us! We are having our second to last prep meeting this Sunday and then we'll be on a plane for 16 hours. As much bonding we've had, nothing can prepare you for a whole day of travel with twenty other individuals.

You guys are the reason why I'm able to go. Seriously, I have been blessed with an amazing group of friends, awesome support from my work and the best family in the world. You are incredible. Yes, you, reading my little post. I think you are phenomenal.
So, now that you know you're phenomenal, go make someone else's day great. Bake cookies for a neighbor. Call an old friend. Write a letter. Actually listen when people are talking to you. Put away your phone at dinner. By making people feel like the special individuals they are, we invest worth and meaning in other's lives- something that is missing in the Other Backwards Caste in India. Love people! People are the coolest!

This is a little jumbled, but I'm just so happy for the astounding support and encouragement in my life and I want everyone to share it! Go forth and love!

Here's why I'm not getting an endorsement.

Dear North Park education program,

I would like to state my reasons for not becoming endorsed in ESL or Special Education.

1. By getting an endorsement, I am saying that I am capable of teaching children who, in all honesty, I can't.

2. I am not patient. At all. ESL and Special Education teachers have to have patience and I lack that quality a whole lot.

3. I do not want to teach. I'm sorry for crushing your dreams of molding me into an exceptional teacher, but my dreams are to work in non-profit. I'm going to take what I have learned about here and apply it in a non-profit setting.

So please, stop making me feel guilty for not getting an endorsement. Thank you ever so kindly.